Loneliness and snow

“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.“

Douglas Coupland, shampoo planet

Recently I’ve been thinking about the idea of loneliness, and getting used to a quiet, calmer, peaceful, pace. Whilst still being in my 20s and wanting to go and party and have fun!!

When I was a child and teenager, I didn’t have lots of friends and many weekend plans. At the weekend I would enjoy tidying my room, practicing my violin and reading my many books!

I’d spend a couple of hours out with my family on a forest dog walk, enjoying the calm sounds of creatures in the trees, before stopping in a coffee shop. On reflection, I seemed more mindful, taking in my surroundings.

At University, I moved to Liverpool and got used to fast-paced city life! I’d go out to parties and socials many times a week (as many students do!!)

I started working at Starbucks on campus which was busy and bustling. And when I graduated, I got used to an even faster pace in London.

My lifestyle became full of noise and other people. I think I enjoyed that distraction from my overthinking, I wasn’t left with my thoughts. I was more impulsive. But then I was never around silence. Even in the moments I had to myself, I’d play loud music and phone people.

Last year, I was lucky to have the opportunity to learn more about mindfulness and meditation. The course (ran by the amazing Amy Polly) made me think more about living in the moment, focusing on the one activity I’m doing.

I started to realise that I needed to learn to sit in those moments of quiet, and enjoy my own company again. I’m not sure when I lost that, but it’s something I’m starting to learn again.

Because when I couldn’t stand to be by myself, I sometimes would resort to unhealthy activities and people to fill that void.

I have felt lonely to start with. But I’m starting to feel content and happy with those moments of calm. It is making me value those fun, busy moments too!

Hope everyone enjoyed the snow, that experienced it!!

Annie x